My Gump World

Most of times, I dreamed about it. Other times it was the smallest of things. Some distinct smells. The sound of the kids playing outside. The bright of the sunshine on my arms. The sound of the trees leafs do when is windy. Small things, really small things. That's when the memories came rushing back. I can feel my mind going far way back and I can't do it anything to stop it.  And I can't understand why. I've always wondered what would've happened if I hadn't gotten there that day. But fate, like life, is unpredictable.  You never really know where you're going to. You never know who you're gonna meet.  Nobody is perfect and when memories of our past come, it's really easy to second guess ourselves. Are there things that we did that we regret? Or things that we didn't do that we wish we had?  I feel. I love. I hurt. I cry, but no ones really knows what is truly in our hearts. No one don't get it, do they? I'd rather die than have anyone...

Why some stuffs look so much confusing for me than to others. Why can I have so many things done to others than for myself. Always seems that I am the one who want more of things go well in a relationship than the other part, friends or dates. Do I look that stupid? Am I that stupid? Why theoretically I can think I am done with some stuff and practically I just accept the apology we keep going like I wasn't hurt but in fact I am. I have this friend that I consider my best friend and he also said the same thing, but is not what look like, he never has time for me when I need him, it's always later for me, but when is the opposite I need to make time cause he gets mad if I don't and I don't like to make him sad and I feel bad about if I am indifferent. Now I am dating this guy that I am really liking him already, but he keeps doing this little things that makes me sad and he always says that he is sorry and he will change, but then do the same thing...