Yes I really wish that.
Why everytime I am getting better, something bad happen to pull me down.
Posts
Hurt feelings and unfair treatment report.
Why some stuffs look so much confusing for me than to others. Why can I have so many things done to others than for myself. Always seems that I am the one who want more of things go well in a relationship than the other part, friends or dates. Do I look that stupid? Am I that stupid? Why theoretically I can think I am done with some stuff and practically I just accept the apology we keep going like I wasn't hurt but in fact I am. I have this friend that I consider my best friend and he also said the same thing, but is not what look like, he never has time for me when I need him, it's always later for me, but when is the opposite I need to make time cause he gets mad if I don't and I don't like to make him sad and I feel bad about if I am indifferent. Now I am dating this guy that I am really liking him already, but he keeps doing this little things that makes me sad and he always says that he is sorry and he will change, but then do the same thing...
Changes
I wanna be the change that I wish to see in people. I wanna grow through life. I swear, from the bottom of my heart. I wanna be healed. I wanna be like other woman, not this outcast who nobody wants. i'm scared that i'm not myself and i'm scared that i am.
"Obviously"
Recently I've been,h opelessly reaching , out for this boy w ho's out of this world. Believe me. He's got a girlfriend, sh e drives me round the bend Cos she's younger than me. But so many nights now I find myself thinking about him now. 'Cause obviously,h e's out of my league I'm wastin' my time 'Cause he'll never be mine But how can I win I know I never will be good enough for him.
Dark side of me.
Some stories need to be told, and some people need to be remembered. My mind is a dark cave. So many twisted things hide in the shadows that I'm afraid to shine a light on... I'm good for while but then like a swicth turns off somewhere and all I'm left with is the darkness of my mind, but each time it seems like I sink deeper and deeper, scared that someday I wont make it back up. I know will sounds weird, but sometimes I like to be there, it's dark side but after coming back I think more clearly, make better judgements of people and things and feel somehow safe. I'm pretty sure that most of the better decisions I made was after backing up from it. Something is wrong with me?! Maybe, I can't tell much about myself. But there is something I can tell, light can not exist without darkness, each has it's purpose. Sometimes it's reassuiring knowing that I'm not the only one pretending to be normal.