Hurt feelings and unfair treatment report.

Why some stuffs look so much confusing for me than to others.

Why can I have so many things done to others than for myself.

Always seems that I am the one who want more of things go well in a relationship than the other part, friends or dates.

Do I look that stupid? Am I that stupid?

Why theoretically I can think I am done with some stuff and practically I just accept the apology we keep going like I wasn't hurt but in fact I am.

I have this friend that I consider my best friend and he also said the same thing, but is not what look like, he never has time for me when I need him, it's always later for me, but when is the opposite I need to make time cause he gets mad if I don't and I don't like to make him sad and I feel bad about if I am indifferent.

Now I am dating this guy that I am really liking him already, but he keeps doing this little things that makes me sad and he always says that he is sorry and he will change, but then do the same thing again and again, when I try to end the relationship, he has this look  that I can't really end it.

I really wish to react differently, but I always think that I would hurt someone's feelings.

Even strangers are so reckless to my feelings.

What is really happening?

Why Do I feel like I am always sad and about to get into depression, I've tried some many times to not feel this way.

It seems that the more I try to be comprehensive, more people are careless to me or my feelings.

Lately I feel so stupid cause I can not do anything about it, as much as I try, I keep failing to myself.

Is there really somebody who can really care about me?

The "strange friend".

Today I realize that I don't understand any types of friendship.
I always try hard to keep friends I met online, friends I know in person or even friends from childhood.
But I'm person who keep a lot of myself to myself and sometimes I know I am very hard person to deal.
 I mean, I met some people online trough the years and some of them became really close to me, and me to them as we know each other like forever.
 We have shared secrets that I would never share it with friends I know in person because I think is easily to do that online.
But sometimes I think at some point I don't know why, starts all those demands with no senses.
We create expectation about each other and like an Italian friend always says emotions are x10000 online.
All friendships that became too close has that kind of small and silly demands that tear friends apart and when sometimes the person regret the broke up and want the friendship back together is difficult to me.
 I try to keep on with the friendship, but  I have that unexplained feeling that make the person "a stranger friend" for me, even if I know the darkest secret of them.
I cant help myself doubting about somethings.
 I don't know why I feel like that; maybe people after some deep stuffs shared, a part of a person is lock up to you forever, even if you never talk to that person again.
Doesn't mean every time that started to talk again will be same.
 I don't know how to explain myself about it; that's why I keep this very clearly when I notice that a friendship is becoming stronger.
Well, maybe I'm strange, and crazy person like some people says to me, but it's like how I am, and I can't change it.
So I feel deeply sorry and sad when a friendship ends in my life.
Sometimes I know we can't avoid such things to happen.
But even when "end" happens, I am that kind of person that don't stop liking even if I don't talk with that person anymore.
 I don't change my first feelings for that person.
Maybe it is hope, I don't know.

C'est la vie :)



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I know I am hard to understand and creepy sometimes but every time a friendship starts in my life, I wanna this.